Q-TIP

October 04, 2019 • 6 Comments

Have you ever heard the acronym for Q-TIP? Quit Taking It Personally

Boy oh boy, these days, I could use a whole case of those magic little wands of soft cottony goodness. On the Q-tips website they proclaim, “Your tool for beauty, first aid, arts & crafts, baby care, pet care and more.” You ain’t kidding Unilever. But can we add tween, teenage & marital care as well?

It’s so easy for the management of the family’s needs to take over my day. Fine. No worries, I’m good at it. But then, from 2:45pm-on, one by one, the little crab apples walk through the back door. And one by one, they take their exhaustion and frustrations out on me. Really? Even after I spent a concerning amount of my day figuring out how everyone is going to get to their games, practices and activities this week, you’re going to sass me when I kindly remind you to get your soccer bag ready?

St. Francis teaches me that it’s more important to be understanding than understood. This phrase has healed many of my relationships. And I know that the road to understanding others is through having an awareness of why I'm more focused on my pain than their pain. In this case, it's because I'm taking their natural response to a long tiring day personally. When I’m exhausted myself, their attitude towards me can feel like a piercing subliminal message whispering, You’re not good enough.

I’m not planning on allowing myself to be treated like a party pinata by my cantankerous family on a daily basis. This is just a reminder that their issues with me have nothing to do with me. Q-TIP Mags.

“If you can think it, you can do it with Q-tips”

Thank you Q-tips. This is just the kind of encouragement I need. Now, and for like the next NINE years.

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Comments

Karin McNamara(non-registered)

Great reminder about Q-TIP!! I’ve got to stick to my side of the street.

Mags

Richard, that’s so nice to read. Thank you.

Daniel, this one can be tough one for my ego, especially when I’m tired.

Happy, so glad this resonated with you :-)

Desiree, I LOVE THIS STORY! While I intellectually understand I should see things from another person’s perspective, this story is such a helpful illustration of that for me. I think it was because the story surprised me. All of a sudden you both seemed 100% convinced but in the opposite direction.
One thing I know about myself is that switching perspective takes time. It takes less and less time, but I have to pause. As a parent, a spouse, a friend...if I’m struggling, it’s time for some mindful reflection. It was so nice that you not only listened to your daughter, but actually HEARD your daughter’s perspective. You rock. But I didn’t need to read this story to be convinced of that ;-)

Desiree Arm(non-registered)

Away on a “adult girls” only vacation a few months ago - a friend and myself were in our “adult happy place” thanks to a few cocktails - and while we were sitting in two chairs that were relatively close to one another we started talking about the balcony across the way. While I insisted we were looking at a cat - she insisted we were looking at an owl. So after many minutes of what had to be the stupidest debate to anyone in ear shot, we decided to switch spots. Once in the other’s seat we both simultaneously said “oooohhh” and then proceeded to laugh like baboons. Then my friend said what to me was the most intelligent sentence my drunken ears have ever heard.....”depending on where you are standing your perspective is different.” And that is when I finally got it.... like really got it!!!!! And this has made the world of difference when handling situations with my kids. I need to stop seeing it as they are not reacting appropriately to what I say or to the “laws” I have put in place...but rather from their perspective what I am saying or telling them will effect their life in a way that I am not seeing. For example... one of my daughters lost her phone for a significant amount of time. Once she got it back, she told me the hardest part was feeling so disconnected from her friends and while they were moving on and bonding she was kind of left behind due to having no source of communication with them after school. So MY perspective was you didn’t listen -so now you get punished. HER perspective was I am losing connections with my friends. And when she told me this - the owl and the cat came rushing back to mind. And I realized that even though she needed to suffer some sort of consequence for what she had done wrong - THAT consequence was having an effect on her I could not see from my view.

Happy Marino(non-registered)

Thank you Q -tips may just become my new mantra! Love this Mags!

Daniel Shay(non-registered)

It’s more important to be understanding than understood...wow... good St Francis! I've got to be better at not taking things too personally and that's a great mantra to get me started. Thanks Mags!

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