Ok TeamConfessions, there's no part of me that wants to be writing this blog post right now. Not because I have bad news, but because I feel like I could really use another two (maybe four) weeks to wallow in self pity. However, after hearing from so many of you about missing our weekly check-ins, I was reminded that this is one of those times when I can’t think myself into right behavior, I actually have to behave myself into right thinking. So here I am, acting ‘as if’ I want to jump back into life.

For 17 years, I’ve been waiting for these twerps to all be out of the house by 7:30 in the morning. With my youngest out of grammar school, this was the year my dream was going to become a reality. And even though I knew it was coming, the news that I was going to have four kids attempting to learn from home three days a week put me into a complete Corona tailspin. 

Because this isn’t my first unraveling over the past few decades, I know there are tools that can help me out:
 

1. Back to basics/Keep the focus on myself: Make sure I have a healthy meal, exercise, work and downtime plan.
2. Gentle/Easy does it: Transitions are tough. Transitions into the unknown are even tougher—This is the time to double down on compassion and patience for myself and others.
    

But that’s just it! After six months of this pandemic, I don’t feel like I have the energy to be patient. I don’t feel like I have the energy to be compassionate. Why? Because I haven’t been acknowledging how incredibly drained I am as a Mother. I said to G-Man the other day, “You’re like an app on the proverbial kid-phone, but I’m the charging station.” Don’t get me wrong, he’s a really important app. He’s like the Google Maps of apps. But the reality is, the phones can't function unless they're charged. And those phones have come to me all-day/every-day for the past six months to be loved, validated and renewed. My wiring is frayed...and I also think I'm making that concerning buzzing sound when they plug in. You know the one—that, ‘You might get electrocuted if you keep using this outlet,’ kind of buzz. Yes children. Yes, you might. 

Only two more weeks till I go away with my friends for the weekend. (Please put the children and Google Maps in your prayers.)