Artwork by Sally Barney

While away from the kids at a family wedding last weekend, I was struck by how much deeper I can love others when I’m in a positive headspace. Sadness is a really difficult place for me to love from. It reminded me of a discovery I made several years ago.

On the second floor of our house, one of my children was being beat on by another one of my children. I wasn’t Reacting because that’s just what the pitter patter of little feet sounds like in our home. When my child came downstairs, I was accused of not coming to the rescue. At that time in my life, I was devoting so much of myself to everyone else’s happiness, I never acknowledged that I was incapable of making everyone happy. It was also very evident that investing that much time in other people’s happiness, was making me miserable. That was when I completely shifted my approach.

The biggest impact that I have on these kids, is not what I say, but what I do. I don’t want to teach them that someone else is responsible for their happiness. And, if I have any hopes for them to live a happy life, I need to model what living a happy life looks like. That’s when it clicked—Your happiness is not my responsibility to you. My happiness is my responsibility to you.

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