A couple of weeks ago, I had a little breakdown on my way to Baldwin Middle School. Not because I didn’t know one of the children had a student council meeting on a Thursday instead of a Tuesday, but because I used to be someone who didn’t drop the ball all the time. I used to cross t’s and dot i’s and, for several reasons, that hasn’t been the case for a long time now.

I completely understand that not every t has to be crossed and not every i has to be dotted. There are people who have helped me accept that I don’t need to be perfect to feel worthy. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I once gained a lot of self-worth from that part of me. I liked that I was once more dependable, thoughtful and organized. And while I’m still all of those things, for several reasons, I don’t or can’t invest as much time into those parts of my character. Starting my own business was a huge shift in how my time was allocated. And, of course, there’s the little twerps—they're not taking up any less time these days. And, I also think I made decisions, conscious or not, to adjust my actions to make the “perfection shamers” in my life feel more comfortable, rather than being true to myself and how I like to engineer my life.

There was a time when my perfectionism was, without a doubt, causing chaos in my life. It was imperative for me to walk away from it to see the havoc it was wreaking on, not only me, but all of us. Having experienced the magic of how much peace comes from lowering my standards, I have no intention of returning to my old ways. But, I think it’s time to look at my schedule and to be honest about whether I have the time to do the things that matter to me in the manner I feel most comfortable doing them. At times, I just think I’m taking on too much responsibility when it comes to being a person, partner, parent and professional. I don’t mind lowering my own standards to live a more peaceful life, but if I have too much that I feel responsible for, I might be unintentionally lowering my self-esteem as well.

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